Lightning Fill In The Blank

19 hours ago
Originally published on January 12, 2019 1:30 pm
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now, it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Chioke, can you give us the scores?

CHIOKE I'ANSON: Roxanne has 4. Luke and Paula are tied with 2.

SAGAL: All right. We flipped a coin. Paula has elected to go second. So, Luke, that means you are up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week, the U.S. resumed its ongoing trade talks with blank.

LUKE BURBANK: China.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Deputy Attorney General blank said he would step down after Mueller finishes his investigation.

BURBANK: Rod Rosenstein.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Police in Ontario have issued a statement about the proper use of 911 after a woman called the police to report blank.

BURBANK: Called to report that her Timbits from Tim Hortons were cold.

SAGAL: No. She called 911 to report that she did not like her daughter's friends.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This week, more than 1 million felons in blank regained their right to vote.

BURBANK: Florida.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, blank beat Alabama to claim their second college football title in three years.

BURBANK: Clemson.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A woman in Virginia was surprised to discover that the Christmas tree she bought also came with blank inside of it.

BURBANK: A war on Christmas.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Christmas tree came with thousands of praying mantises.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Oh, wow.

SAGAL: When Molly Kreuze brought her tree home, she didn't notice the walnut-sized, brown egg case under one of the branches. However, she did notice a few hours later when her living room was swarmed with dozens and dozens of baby praying mantises. Finally, someone is putting the Christ-look-at-all-those-praying-mantises...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Back in Christmas.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: She's rescued the mantises and is feeding them rather than doing the obvious thing, leaving the house and never, ever returning in this life.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Chioke, I usually do a lot better. I just want you to know.

SAGAL: (Laughter) Chioke...

I'ANSON: Oh, good.

SAGAL: ...How poorly did Luke do this time?

(LAUGHTER)

I'ANSON: He got four right for eight more points, a total of 10. And he's now in the lead.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, Paula.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, baby.

SAGAL: You're up next. Fill in the blank.

POUNDSTONE: All right.

SAGAL: After undergoing surgery for lung cancer, blank missed oral arguments for the first time since being named to the Supreme Court.

POUNDSTONE: Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: During his trip to China, it was reported that blank had reaffirmed his commitment to denuclearization.

POUNDSTONE: Kim Jung Un.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, French President Emmanuel Macron accused the so-called blank protesters of using extreme violence.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, yellow vest.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, an Uber driver went viral after he was filmed trash-talking the LA Chargers by his passenger who was blank.

POUNDSTONE: One of the LA Chargers.

SAGAL: Yes - the running back, in fact.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a new study, U.S. blank emissions spiked in 2018.

POUNDSTONE: Carbon monoxide.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Following damage to trees caused by visitors, blank National Park in California announced plans to close for the duration of the shutdown.

POUNDSTONE: Joshua Tree?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Police in Australia responding to reports of a man in a house screaming why won't you die over and over again broke down the door and found blank.

POUNDSTONE: Found, well, something still alive.

SAGAL: He found...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He found a man trying to kill a spider.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to police reports, several passersby called 911 after hearing threats being shouted from a nearby house.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Worried that someone might be in danger, officers were dispatched to the neighborhood with their sirens blaring only to find a man trying and failing to kill a spider. The man is now resting comfortably at home and is sure the walnut-sized, egg-case-looking thing in his Christmas tree...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Is nothing to worry about. Chioke, how did Paula do on our quiz?

I'ANSON: Paula got six right for 12 more points - a total of 14. And Paula is now in the lead.

SAGAL: Woo.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And how many then does Roxanne need to win which - you being new here - you might not know - she will inevitably do?

I'ANSON: Roxanne needs five to tie and six to win.

SAGAL: She is going to win. Here we go, Roxanne. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. During an interview with "60 Minutes," Democratic Representative blank said, quote, "there is no question that President Trump is racist."

ROXANNE ROBERTS: I'm going to mispronounce her name - Alexandra (ph) Ocasio...

SAGAL: Yes. You got it almost right.

ROBERTS: OK.

SAGAL: Ocasio-Cortez.

SAGAL: OK.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, military officials said they'd captured a U.S. teen fighting for blank in Syria.

ROBERTS: For ISIS.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, President Trump said that he had ordered FEMA to stop sending aid to the areas of California affected by blanks.

ROBERTS: The wildfires.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, shareholders filed suit against search giant blank for offering payouts to executives accused of sexual harassment.

ROBERTS: Google.

SAGAL: Right. This week...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Police in Ohio managed to find a man's drug stash despite the fact that he hid it in blank.

ROBERTS: A police station? Is it something weird?

SAGAL: No, he hid his drugs in a box labeled not drugs.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, the chairman of department store blank announced the new $5 billion bid to save the retailer.

ROBERTS: Sears.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: "Bohemian Rhapsody" and "Green Book" were the surprise winners of the 76th Annual blank Awards.

ROBERTS: Golden Globes.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a woman in Oklahoma who shot a deer offseason got busted when she blanked.

ROBERTS: Was this the person that confessed? There was a woman. There is a poacher who shot and then they confessed on a dating app. And the guy was a game warden.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

ROBERTS: OK.

SAGAL: She got caught...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...Because she bragged about it on a dating app to a game warden. As anyone skilled in the art of online dating knows, the best possible pickup line is, hi, how are you? I just shot a deer.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's exactly what this Oklahoma woman texted her new match completely unaware that he was a game warden. And it worked. He was interested.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He wrote back asking flirty follow-up questions like, did you use a bow? And do you have a DMP permit for zones 36 or 34?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Chioke, did Roxanne do well enough to win?

I'ANSON: Just as you predicted - Roxanne got seven right for 14 more points. So with 18 points, Roxanne is this week's champion.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.