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Limericks

MAZ JOBRANI, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. And if you want more WAIT WAIT, check out our upcoming virtual comedy club on May 18 featuring Alonzo Bodden, Maeve Higgins, Adam Burke and Karen Chee. Tickets are on sale now at nprpresents.org. Tell everyone you know. Or keep it to yourself. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

KELLY RILEY: Hi, this is Kelly Riley (ph) calling from Blacksburg, Va.

JOBRANI: Hi, Kelly Riley from Blacksburg, Va. What do you do out there?

RILEY: I - (laughter) I used to be a student. I just graduated from Virginia Tech this morning.

(CROSSTALK)

RILEY: Thank you.

KAREN CHEE: Are you really drunk right now?

JOBRANI: Please say yes.

RILEY: No.

CHEE: OK.

RILEY: Are you?

CHEE: Yes.

JOBRANI: Well, that's great, Kelly. Congratulations. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're a winner. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: This Romania deal is spectacula. Don't worry, old Vlad won't attack you-a (ph). Just skip the whole hassle and get vaxxed at my castle. Get your shot at the home of Count...

RILEY: Dracula.

JOBRANI: Yes.

KURTIS: Dracula it is.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

JOBRANI: Yes, you can now get inoculated at Dracula's castle. I want to immunize your blood - wa ha ha ha.

PETER GROSZ: (Laughter).

JOBRANI: The castle, once occupied by the man who inspired Count Dracula, is offering free puncturing services. Really, Dracula? You think anyone's going to fall for this?

HARI KONDABOLU: (Laughter).

JOBRANI: Reps from the castle confirmed that every weekend in May, walk-in appointments for the COVID vaccine will be available, but they cannot confirm you will walk out.

GROSZ: He's Vlad the Vaccinator, right? Wasn't he Vlad the Impaler?

JOBRANI: Vlad...

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: Here, Kelly, is your next limerick.

KURTIS: We will send in a force that combats our pestilence horde of wild rats. Soon, felines will reach North Avenue Beach. We have set out an army of...

RILEY: Cats?

KURTIS: Cats it is.

JOBRANI: Yes, cats.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

JOBRANI: A Chicago organization is addressing the city's rat problem by releasing a thousand feral cats on the city's streets. But wait. Wouldn't a thousand feral cats also be a problem? Don't worry. That's where the thousand wild dogs come in.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: I love that Chicago - I mean, I haven't lived there in a while. But clearly, they have just flat out given up...

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: ...On running, like, a livable city. I mean, forget all the - you know, the stuff the people usually say about it. But this whole, like, let's just throw a bunch of cats at the rats thing...

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: ...Seems like Mayor Lightfoot is really scraping the bottom of the barrel there.

JOBRANI: OK, Kelly. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: It's insane how much money I've got. You should see the new boat that I've bought. Though masts make it proper, I can't land my chopper. So I got a small yacht for my...

RILEY: Yacht?

KURTIS: Yes, good.

JOBRANI: Yes, got a yacht for a yacht.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

RILEY: A yacht for your yacht? OK.

JOBRANI: He got a yacht for a yacht. Jeff Bezos has so much money, he bought a yacht for his yacht. This is totally true. His new yacht is longer than a football field and comes with its own smaller yacht. Yes, we will finally be able to see a baby yacht roaming the open seas with its mother again - nature's healing.

GROSZ: (Laughter).

JOBRANI: Bill, how did Kelly do?

KURTIS: She nailed every single one, so Kelly did great.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE SOUND EFFECT)

RILEY: (Laughter).

JOBRANI: Kelly, you killed it. Three for three. Congratulations on graduating.

RILEY: Thank you. Go, Hokies (laughter).

JOBRANI: All right, Kelly. Bye. Take care.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "DON'T FORGET YOUR OLD SHIPMATE")

JERRY BRYANT AND STARBOARD MESS: (Singing) Don't forget your old shipmate. Faldee raldee raldee raldee rye-eye-doe. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.